Three posts in two days!!

I'm going to try writing about this, since talking about it with my husband didn't really ease my mind.

W's "friend", who owns the land he goes hunting near, we barbecued with, Bubba goes to play with his grandkids, etc. etc., came over today, to bring me an inhaler. He does that, helps us out with puffers since mine are so expensive, and he gets extra from his insurance. He called to see if I needed one, which, of course, I did. I agreed to make lunch. No big deal.

God, it's no easier to write than it was to talk to W about.

Let me just say it. He came on to me. BIG time. No mistaking his intentions. I had been getting a vibe to begin with, but just chalked it up to me being tired, whatever. I totally rebuffed him, he got all apologetic, and left. I know I probably should have handled it different, kicking him out before he just said he was going, but honestly, I was so numb from the shock of it all. I never thought he would make a move like that.

I knew I was going to tell W, but I didn't want to bother him with while he was away. I knew how he'd react. Part of me knew he'd sever ties with him, part of me didn't want him to because he's one of the few friends he has. But what kind of friend does that?

After the race, I couldn't sleep. The scene keeps replaying in my head, along with all kinds of other horrible thoughts and images. I texted (is that even a freakin' word?) W and asked him to call me if he was still up. W handled it well, didn't lose his temper, at least on the phone with me. I know he's pissed. And I was right. He's going up there as soon as he gets home, clearing out his tree stand (for hunting) and that's it. I made him promise not to beat him up or anything like that. He's most likely going to call out there tomorrow, too. I know his temper, and I'm a bit worried...I may ask the neighbor to go with him. Someone.

I don't know how I could have avoided this situation. We've always hugged, kissed on the cheek in greeting and whatnot. He's always said how nice I look, or whatever. Why today did those same things give me the heebies? And what the fuck made him think it would be ok to do something like this. I keep thinking about whether he had it all planned before he even got here. I know I never encouraged anything. I don't want to feel like I'm a victim, and I guess I probably am. Why am *I* the one losing sleep and the one feeling all icky inside? Better question, how the fuck do I make the thoughts stop? W made me agree to take one of his sleeping pills. I always feel like ass in the morning, but with no obligations for the holiday, hopefully it will wear off well before I need to be moving. And if I really oversleep, will someone come and clean up the messes the dogs won't make it outside to do.

There was never a question on whether I'd tell W, only WHEN. If the same had happened to him, I'd want to know. This ties in to something I've not told any living person about, and I'm not telling it here, either. But I know that he would understand my need to know if something like that happened to him. Especially since I'm not sure how he would have reacted. I know how I would WANT him to react, but husbands are tricky about not thinking the same way as we would.

I'm already feeling a little fuzzy from the pill. I was tired to begin with. Yeah, just took a slug of water and I'm a little wobbly. And my typing has deteriorated considerably.

Hopefully the pill will put me under quickly before any nasty thoughts creep in. I feel drunk without the drinking. I'm hoping on being able to walk to the bathroom and pee and then to the bed before falling over or something. I'll be sure to tell you about if I ended up sleeping on the floor in the bathroom. Too bad I can't fit in Bubba's new bed, or I'd go there so I at least smell him a little. I can actually fit in it, it's so big, we're worried about the weight being too much for the little slats holding up the mattress. Oh that's tempting. I miss him. I would love a Bubba snuggle and kiss right now. I'd never ask W to come home early for something this trivial. I just hope he can continue to enjoy himself up there.

Thoughts are getting gooey here now. Goodnite y'all. I'm taking my fucked up mental head off to bed. 'Pologize for any typos I missed, I've looked good and hard at text, but it's getting a mite difficult, what with my head swaying around and all.

Hey y'all all give me some ideas for a category for my mental issues I'm sure to be talking about in the future. nervous breakdown just doesn't have the right ring to it.

"Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream. Mr. Sandmaaan, Courtesy of Lunesta, briiing meee aaaah normal DREAM! "

fin

Thoughts for the day

• I look strange with straight(ish) hair. I showered after my pool time today, and put my hair into a ponytail at the nape of my neck while it was still wet. I commenced to watching the race while lying on the bed, and the tail ended up pretty flat, as was the rest. I brushed it out, then for shits and giggles blew dry it the rest of the way. It was too frizzy, because I don't know what I'm doing, but it was mostly straight. I looked odd. I put leave-in conditioner in and back to my curly perm. Much better.
• I just saw a commercial to the sequel to Bruce Almighty, called Evan Almighty. I will watch this movie simply for Morgan Freeman. Not sure a sequel was necessary, butI'm hoping it will be funny.
• I miss my family. I know Bubba is having fun and it's good for W to spend time with his family, but dammit, I need snuggles. It's only been two and a half days.
• Off to watch the rest of the race.
• That is all.
• I like the bullets

Woah

It's Saturday morning, and I don't normally post at this time. But damn, the house is quiet without Bubba. They made it up to PA just fine, and surprised Grammy and all, because they weren't expecting them until Monday night. Going early meant they got to go camping with everyone. Kinda jealous, but there's no way I could up and take over a week off work.

Last night, I treated myself to dinner out at the restaraunt I used to work at way back when. I quit when I was just about to pop with Bubba. I indulged in a gigantic cheeseburger and some of the awesome dessert the place is 'famous' for. I'm afraid to step on the scale. Oh, yeah, I had a salad instead of french fries, which was a good choice, until I found a ladybug in the salad....supposedly good luck. Let's see how that goes.

While watering the garden when I got home last night, I discovered we have some beans and peas sprouted. Actual beans and peas! The plants are huge and I was wondering when we'd finally have some stuff on them. Nothing from some of the other beans we planted, but I'm sure soon. W transplanted the tomatoes, because all the stuff we planted kinda overtook the small area we put it. Unfortunately, the plants he transplanted look very sad, and some are dead for sure, while others may have a chance to perk up. We waited too long to get it them into the new spot. He planted corn and watermelons and pumpkins in the same area, we tilled up a large patch for all that. Hopefully they'll grow because Bubba is looking forward to pumpkins this fall.

My parents are up in Charlotte for the races this weekend. I wanted to go, even if I didn't go to the race, to see the folks we know up there. Two things worked against me. Gas prices, and the fact I have to work all day today, and a bit on Monday. Sure, I could leave late tonite and get up there for the day Sunday, but the hundred bucks in gas it would cost me isn't worth it for only one day, because I'd have to leave early Monday to make sure I got back in time for work at the station. They offered gas money if that was all that was holding me back, too. I'm planning on some pool time tomorrow, because I'll get the grocery shopping done in between my hours at the station today. I'm also planning on sleeping gloriously late. Well as late as the dogs and cats will let me, since the dogs are used to their first potty break around six.

My brother just signed into Yahoo, so I think I'll go chat with him a while before showering for work. If I don't make it back around, hope you all have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. Hmm...Laz, you don't celebrate that up in Canada, do you?

Blahs

Ok, so I've really been busy at work. I barely have time to get through my bloglist at lunch before it's time to get back to the grind. (Who really believes I only spend lunch on the internet???) But anyway.

No news, really. W and Bubba are leaving tomorrow morning for a trip to PA as moral support for brother M. The child has been born, don't know specifics. Again, I can't post about it, really. Maybe soon. But I won't until more concrete stuff is known, and that will be a few months, at best. I'll share in email, if anyone wants in on the drama.

I haven't gotten race pics of the camera yet....maybe with my freetime at home with the boys gone, I'll do it there and post some.

In the meantime, enjoy this scrumptious picture I found courtesy of Stuff on my Cat!!!

*sigh* so busy

Okay, so I've been slammed at the office. Big surprise. I wasn't really backed up when I got in from being off Friday, but a typical Monday happened so things have gone downhill since then.

Race was awesome, even tho it was postponed until Sunday, so after being out there for 6 hours or so, we had to go home. We spent two hours or so doing the merchandise haulers, then walked back to the car, ate dinner, chatted with folks a bit. Then, had my dad changed clothes like my mom and I did, we would have waited the rain out in the car, instead of IN THE RAIN! We had started walking back to the track to actually go in, and it started raining hard. We took cover as soon as we could, but we were already drenched, plus it was blowing hard so we still got wet. We stood under this canopy tent for over two hours till I finally couldn't take any more. I was not able to stand around because my back and legs and feet were all hurting, so I couldn't imagine how my poor arthritic mama felt. We hobbled back to the car, stripped into dry clothes and cranked up the heat. Then they finally called it so we sat in traffic for ages, finally got moving good and I promptly crashed in the back seat for most of the ride home. Up bright and early the next day to do it all over again. Awesome seats. I had a blast. I've got some great pics, I just haven't taken them off the camera yet. Not sure if I can post the video I shot with the camera will upload or if I can post it here, but I'll try. Was so ready to get home to Bubba, the drive home seemed to take forever. I had a major headache by that time, too. It lasted all night, but was gone when I woke up. I've had a headache every day since, tho and I'm about tired of it.

Softball went well, we won. They still tried to cheat and tweak rules to their benefit, but we expected nothing less. I'm hurting again, which sucks ass. Hopefully better tomorrow.

And the thing about the bikers, Jenn. My one boss does criminal defense. It's Harley Davidson week, so there are lots of bikers getting arrested for silly stuff and serious stuff. Actually haven't had that many calls so far this week, but tomorrow is the biggest day of the rally, so more than likey next Monday they'll all be calling once they get home. We did take in a new DUI, and he is a biker, but his happened before bike week and he's a local. This rally draws huge crowds and people from all over the damn place. It will likely take me more than an hour to get home tonite, and worse tomorrow, because of all the traffic. I have little choice in the way I drive home because of where Nanny lives. Right in the thick of it all, unfortunately. I may be able to go different way tomorrow, since Bubba will stay home with W, as he's been doing on Fridays for quite a while. I'm also leaving at four so that may help a bit, too.

Ok, I'm really tired, and I gotta get some more of this junk off my desk if possible by the end of the day.

Ode to Emerson Drive: I should be sleeping!

I knew this was going to happen but hoped that it wouldn't. The race is tomorrow (well, today since it's after midnight), W is crashed out, snoring in lala land thanks to his new sleeping pills, and I can't sleep.

Played hooky from the office today, erm yesterday, damn it, and it was glorious. Got the grocery shopping done early, and was so much nicer than fighting the crowds on the weekends. Spent the rest of the day, just hanging with W and Bubba. Co-napped with Bubba, then we all went swimming in the new big pool, even tho the water was still colder than I like it.

Not much else has been going on, really. W sold his boat and no surprise, the money is gone already. Mostly to good use. A bunch in our Christmas Club, Bubba's savings and our savings, then the groceries today and some other food contribution to come later. If y'all are interested, I'll fill ya in on the Angel Food program, just lemme know if you want the details. Of course, he blew a bunch on manly stuff, but it was his boat, so I can't complain about it.

Major drama going on with W's brother, M, who may or may not actually need all the baby gear he came and got a few weeks ago. Can't publish all details here, but it's just insane.

Congratulations to Andrew, link in the sidebar over there, I don't have my instructions with me on how to do an imbedded link. He and his wife welcomed their first daughter earlier this week. She's a beauty. Also, Andrea (again, see sidebar) and her husband welcomed their second child, another boy a few weeks ago. He's also a beauty. Welcome to the world little ones. And not to leave my other internet buddies out, Jen in Atlanta, best of luck on the last round of paperwork, I hope it gets done soon, and Jen in Montana, your pictures are making me smile often, so I hope you'll keep posting them. And Dooney, soon enough I'll be posting a welcome to YOUR new little one!

I'm obviously very excited about the race. I'll be leaving home around eleven to head to my parents and we're planning on leaving around noon. Takes about two hours to get to the track, and traffic will determine how long to actually GET into the track. We'll have plenty of time to cruise the merchandise haulers and what not. I'm gonna get Bubba some new stickers for his awesome racecar bed, something for W and something for myself. My biggest concern is the weather. All week they have said more than 50 percent chance of evening thunderstorms, and of course it is a night race. I am hoping it doesn't rain hard enough to postpone to Sunday because I don't wanna spend another entire day away from W and Bubba. This is my big treat, though, Mother's Day gift from my parents. I know I deserve it and I'm making myself NOT feel guilty about it, but the lingering thoughts are still there. I am going to thoroughly enjoy myself, I know that. But I'll miss my men. Hopefully in a few years we'll be able to take Bubba to a race, and he'll grow to love racing as much as me.

Umm. I've been slacking on my exercise this week, but a bit better with the food. Somehow the scale was down a few more pounds this morning, for a total of five in the last few weeks. Since I know I'm going to be horrible food wise tomorrow, I am not expecting those numbers to stay the same. I will get a lot of exercise by way of walking from the parking lot to the track, around the haulers and so on. Whether that will balance out, I don't know. Theoretically, there's only five pounds to go to get back to where I was last summer. However, I'd like to lose ten more on top of that, but I don't think my body will cooperate without starving.

Happy Mother's day to everyone, whether your babies are two legged or furry and four legged. Keep my fat boy, Jack, in your thoughts, because I'm not too sure he's feeling well. Every time I'm in the kitchen he yowls his head off until I pick him up and put him on the counter in front of the food so he can eat. He's so fat he's having more and more trouble jumping up there. Not sure of the last time he made it himself. Plus he hid out one day under the bed in the spare room, and didn't come to bed with us to sleep on my head. Freaked me out. He's 11. Tigger died when she was 10, so I'm a little gun shy at this point. I don't think Bubba would handle it well if something happened. And I know *I* wouldn't.

All right, gonna give bed another shot. Don't wanna wake up Papa Bear, even tho his snoring just got a lot louder. No wonder I'm having trouble getting to sleep. I hate to wake him though to yell about the snoring, because he rarely gets a full night sleep, even with the pills. So I will suffer.

I'll update on Monday if I'm not too crazy at work, from being off on Friday. Mondays always suck, anyway. Plus bike week started so we'll be fielding lots of calls from bikers arrested for various things. Fun fun.

I hate thinking up titles.

Okay y'all, I'm in a bit of a bitchy mood today. Well, honestly, I'm always kinda bitchy. But, anyway. I've mentioned how much I've been working on the weekends, and how it's upsetting me, because I'm getting so little time with Bubba and W. Well now, even mother nature is conspiring against me. I worked the Busch race Friday nite, and the Cup race was last nite. No, was SUPPOSED to be last nite. It got rained out after two hours of coverage. So instead of trying to wait out the rain, they blew it off to run it today. Which sucks, because I was only supposed to work for two hours today, and would have been home shortly after NOON. Now, I'm waiting until one for the race to start all over again. The good news was I got to go home and actually do bedtime, but that turned into a nightmare as he decided to fight going to sleep again. I'm so tired. Tired of working my butt off and not seeming to get any results. I know it's only temporary, and this is the last Sunday I'll have to work. My boss promised me all next weekend off, which is no biggie, I'm scheduled off for Saturday anyway because it's the race I'm going to, but now I'll have Friday night off as well, and won't have to worry about voicetracking a shift. I'm most likely gonna take a sick day from the office on Friday and we are thinking about taking Bubba to his first movie at the mall, if something suitable is playing, of course.

In other news, the mice may be gone for now. We put some poison out, but haven't replaced all the dry foods in the cabinets yet. My last three or so poop checks have come up clean so with the food gone, maybe they've moved on or they just can't get in anymore. And yes, y'all, I have TWO cats, but there are two problems. One, the damn mice aren't coming OUT of the cabinets into the house for the cats to even see them. And two, I don't think the cats would even know what to do if they did. They are kinda lazy and spoiled. Only one has claws, and she was a farm cat, so maybe she'd remember she's supposed to kill that stuff, but, honestly, I'm happy they've stayed in the cabinets even tho they ate a bunch of stuff.

Softball rematch is Tuesday, but won't be a true rematch because a bunch of players have changed....did I already mention that? Still looking forward to it, even tho I'm gonna be sore again.

Umm...nothing else going on. So little variance in my routine from week to week, so there's isn't much to discuss. I'll let you know how softball goes. Then I'll have pics and recap of the race next week, wait, y'all don't like racing, so maybe I'll skip that.

Catch ya later.

Of mice and hair

Mouse damage pictures and my new 'do below.


















The pics of me probably won't stay up long, I think I look horrendous.

Various and Sundry

W's doc appointment really didn't get us anywhere....This guy basically just said he needs more time to heal from the second surgery and he wouldn't suggest more surgery at this point. So we are still in the same boat we've been in for way too long...Wait and see. He sees the pain guy on the 7th, which will be another waste of time. Doesn't see the 2nd surgeon again until June. Sigh.

The pool is up and good and level. Still can't get in it, because the water is absolutely freezing. Another week maybe, once we can maintain good 80 degree days.

W's mom, sister and brother were in town for the day yesterday. I was at the station all day. While W and his brother did one thing, Grammy and L took Bubba shopping as a distraction. They were mainly in town to pick up all our baby furniture for M. Since they were taking Bubba's bed, which will convert back to a crib, they bought him a racecar bed. Not the Lightning McQueen one, but an awesome bed just the same. So they put it together and when Bubba came home, he had a big surprise...he loved it. I missed the unveiling, but they saved all the decals for me to do, which I'm not sure was a good thing. I got them all on, probably not very straight, but at least they are on. It takes up a lot more space and we have to rearrange his entire room, again. His dresser is currently in the spare bedroom. Not good. Eventually, we will get him a good dresser and a bookcase and be okay. Right now there is a small dresser, another kind of dresser and a bookcase topper thing, hard to explain. He has so many books (which is a good thing) they are spread out over the small dresser and topper.

We've got a softball rematch scheduled for the 8th. Should my team lose again, I don't think we'll ever hear the end of it around the office. I'm looking forward to it, I just don't wanna get so sore and hurt for a week again.

I've got a long road ahead of me the next few weeks. I got talked into working Sundays (this and next) at the station because the normal guy is out of town. What that means is my next day off is May 12. I am always so exhausted to begin with, and now I get to add more guilt over the fact that I'm spending MORE time away from W and Bubba on the weekends. I'm falling behind around the house with cleaning, and all the other chores. Ugh.

Let's top it all off by letting you know about the newest houseguests we have. No, not a cuddly kitten, or rambunctious puppy. Not even a furry ferret (which I would *love* to have someday.) No, we've apparantly become the new hangout for a band of hungry MICE! W found a chewed up poptart in the box this morning, along with a few fun poop deposits. So there I was scrambling around before coming to work at ten a.m. moving all the stuff around in the cupboards and trying to discover more damage. I thought we got off light, until I found a Ramen noodle package totally chewed into and munched on. And a bag of rice got a little munched. Also lots of poop. We had mice when we first moved in, almost 8 years ago, and apparantly they've found us again. I fixed up the blocker we've had in place under the sink, a towel wedged around the sink pipes that go underneath the house. Hopefully that's all it will take. Oh yeah, they totally avoided the fricking MOUSE POISON! Go figure. I took a bunch of pictures, of course, and will post them tomorrow from the office if I can.

All right, 50 laps to go in my favorite race, so I am off to pay attention. Have a good one y'all. I'll check in soon.

work work work

Hello all! I've been a bit quiet, I guess just because I've been busy. Lots of stuff getting done at home, in preparation for summer. W got a load of sand dumped into the back of his truck, and guess who was the lucky person who got to shovel it all out! And then rake it all somewhat level so that we could put the pool up. Yup, it was me. It was awesome exercise, so I didn't really complain that much.

We put the ginormous pool up this weekend (bought with leftover tax money) after more raking of sand and measuring this and that. And, of course, it still is totally uneven, thanks to the unlevel yard and apparantly, unlevel sand distribution. Did I mention, that you couldn't tell it was so unlevel until it was 3/4 full? SO. We then hurriedly helped our neighbor put their much smaller in size pool together, and are currently draining OUR pool into her pool. Then we get to attempt to FIX our pool. I must also mention and that A and I did a wonderful job leveling her pool. W came over after we got it up, and were putting the finishing touches on it, and was skeptical that the same strategy would fix ours, but later admitted that it might. We just have to wait now for ours to drain enough.

Also yesterday we spent the morning outside cleaning the vehicles a bit. Well, Bubba and I did my car, vacuuming the inside, and wiping down the dash and stuff. He was a great help, had so much fun, using a wipe on the doors and whatever. He's too cute. W put some treatment thing on my headlights because they were all dull and he was obsessing with them being fixed. Some kind of sandpaper/wipe on/wipe off treatment, and I must say, they look much better.

What else. G-ma went up to see my brother yesterday. I thought about taking Bubba along, but we decided to stick close and got all that stuff done at home instead.

I worked at the station Friday and Saturday nights, but didn't post. Friday I was catching up on blogs, and Saturday I was paying attention to the race for the most part, and playing Pogo as well.

Ok, that's about all that's going on. Still frustrated. Still broke. Two days until the neurosurgeon appointment. We are praying for some answers and I don't know....some way to get him fixed I suppose.

Before and after

We buzzed Bubba's hair off last nite. He was so excited for it, I couldn't resist. It had been getting really long, and I was tired of paying for a scissor cut, so we took the clippers to him. Here's the before and after, and all I wanna know is where did my little baby go?!?!!?!

Before:



After:

Birthday party

Bubba had his first invite to a party for R's daughter, C. (I work with R.) They held it at a place called Jammin' Jumpers. It's an old warehouse building, they've got like a third of it, and there are like five of thouse bounce house things set up. You know, the big, plastic things, that are constantly pumped full of air, that the kids get in and bounce around in? There were ladders to climb up, and then slides to comes down. The parents got to play, too, and lemme tell you, I think R's fiance had more fun than most of the kids. Bubba was all over C when we got there, it had been a while since they had played together. She favored him over all the other kids there, too, it was so sweet. She wouldn't let anyone else sit beside her when it was time for cake, she told them, "No, that seat is for Bubba!" Most of the pictures are blurry, because, of course, they weren't standing still very much. Cake was really good, she got a bunch of girly presents, and I don't think anyone left with more than some scratches and rug burn.

Some pics:

Softball and it's aftermath

Softball was awesome. Rather than a whole blow by blow of the evening, I'll mention the high points. Got there early and warmed up, thinking it would keep me from hurting afterwards. (hahahahahah.) Did lots of stretching and easy throwing, before pitching batting practice. Once everyone showed up I did MORE pitching, then took some pitches myself for practice. I got ahold of one good ball in practice, and nailed the unfortunate person who was pitching to me in the leg. He has a bruise, the size of the entire softball. But let's just say if he hadn't swiveled around, he probably wouldn't be having any kids in the future. That was the best ball I hit all night.

We finally got things started, and we were quite impressive our first at bat. Also our first round in the field was good, too. It went back and forth, and in the end we lost, but there were technical issues, and yadda yadda yadda.

The guy I nailed with my hit also fell face first while running to first base. He's not a very athletic fellow, and is a bit on the heavy side. He has a few cuts on his face, along with another bruise from where he got hit with another ball. The receptionist also fell on her way to first base, but was fine....a little road rash. We were playing on artificial turf, picture indoor/outdoor carpeting, and that's about what the fields were like. Very aweseome. Oh yeah, my boss, the one with one bad knee, now has two bad knees. He had a designated runner, after not being able to run well the first time at bat, and his next at bat he smacked a ball great, to the wall. I was coaching the kid around the bases and once he made it safely to third, I turn around and there Boss is on the ground at home plate. He was pretty much done after that. He did some pitching and base coaching, but not much else.

Basically, we had an absolute blast, and I can't wait to do it again. However, I will totally need to prepare better because OMG I was hurting so bad. Didn't feel so bad on Wednesday, but come Thursday, I wanted someone to shoot me. My legs were killing me, it hurt to walk, sit, stand up, EVERYTHING! Today is the best I've felt since. We were joking about maybe getting a little too old for this kind of activity, but maybe we are.

I have more posts on the way, including some pictures!

Briefly

Easter was great, Bubba got spoiled rotten. We woke up to his excited voice, "Mama, Daddy, there's a WAGON in my room!!" Wagon was stuffed with candy, toys, etc.

W has been miserable lately. We almost went to the ER last nite because he could barely walk. He has NOT been overdoing it at all, and it sucks ass. He's the lowest I've ever seen him and I don't know how to help him.

Nephew A is recovering from yet another surgery. They've removed the second graft. His cornea is covered with stuff, don't know if that is good or bad. No word on long term stuff, yet again.

Shortly, I will be heading off to play softball with a bunch of people from the office. On almost professional field. Let's hope I don't get hurt.

New Pictures!!!

Okay, so I finally remembered to bring the camera to work and get the pictures off. Some only go back as far as early February, what was I waiting for? Anyway, enjoy:

This is Bubba with my fat cat, Jack. I just love the look on his face in this one, he looks like an angel.




Behold the cuteness.




Making cookies on St. Patrick's Day with Daddy.



He fell down and skinned his knees yesterday with Nanny.

Another Monday

Hello. I swear I've been meaning to post more often, but I'm either too busy at work, too tired or something else that keeps me from coming by. I'll try harder.

The biggest news coming out of the last week is that I am finally getting to go to a race. Next month, at Darlington. The group of folks I go to see in Charlotte all the time, well, not all the time, I haven't been in forever, but anyway, can't use their tickets. My dad goes with them every year to a few different races. So they told him to give them to me and mom! So yay! I am so excited! It's a night race, too, so it's gonna be awesome. W will have Bubba duties, and he's not too upset about not being able to go. The drive, the seats, all would work against his back and he wouldn't enjoy himself at all.

Nephew A is still improving, but they have discovered significant scarring, we just won't know the long term issues associated with it for a while yet. He had two surgeries last week and boy am I hoping he's done with them soon. Poor little thing.

We had a good productive weekend for a change. I only had a remote to work, no Busch race, so it was nice to be home. W cut the grass, I weed whacked edges and what not, and boy my arms are a bit upset with me. I've done it before, but not the whole thing all at once like I did this time. Naturally we did this all while Bubba was napping so we weren't distracted. Bubba woke up in time to have a quick go round on the tractor with W. He played outside most of the rest of the day, with the neighbor girls while we kinda had some adult conversation time. I had a pork roast in the crock all day, and finally got Bubba inside so we could all eat. He actually took two bites of pork!! He wasn't brave enough for the sauerkraut, though.

Still haven't lost any more weight, and I've been torturing myself on that damn machine at least four nights a week, at 15 minutes a pop. I'm a sweaty, huffing and puffing mess by the time I'm done, is it too much to ask for to get a little results? Ugh. I have been eating better, too, and have turned down many many treats and still, nothing. Keeping at it, even though I'm frustrated.

Umm..oh yeah, news on the back issue. W's caseworker called, with news that he is to go see someone else later this month, for yet another opinion. Something about the new surgeon reporting certain findings before surgery, but no follow up about them after. They want to get to the bottom of it all. My fear: they are looking for a doctor to say, "He's fine, send him back to work." I hope so much that I am wrong. He's seen this doc before, too, way back when we needed a 'second' opinion before the first surgery. I don't know...W is getting pretty down about all of it, and has given up hope of ever being normal enough to do anything productive. I don't know how to help him feel better. Because, honestly, I'm about to give up hope, too.

Bah, gotta get back to work. It's been a slow Monday, so far, but Boss1 just got in, so I'm sure that will change.

Ho hum

I was at the radio station for six hours on Saturday and didn't post.

The inlaws invaded briefly to come pick up W's dad. They had a surprise passenger with them, W's Uncle (specifically Grammy's sister's husband.) W goes hunting at his place, well used to, and we fished and other great things when we had the time. We stop in and see them whenever we're up there, but were NOT expecting him to come down. It was cool. The collective men that visited got up on my roof and finally took my Christmas lights down. They also spoiled Bubba rotten with more toys and clothes. No racecar bed, because we can't find it in the stores down here and M doesn't want to pay shipping or something. I don't know.

M also worked on our home computer for over two hours because I have some wicked kind of virus/downloader thing causing us some problems. He couldn't fully fix it, but promised to talk to his virus people at work. He works at a big bank and they have a great staff apparantly. He did what he could, and I've still been messing with it, but I can't fix it, either. Grrrr...

We pigged out on pizza Saturday night when I got done with work. That was a treat from Uncle.

Sunday, once they all cleared out, we (meaning me) reveled in the quiet and emptiness of the house. Then Bubba and I shipped off to G'ma and Papa's for some fun. We headed to the beach, I got sunburn, not bad, then had lunch, and a nap for him. Well, we all ended up napping a bit, with the race on. Mom and Dad napped for a while, I was only crashed for about 30 minutes.

My fantasy race teams are doing alternately dimsal and okay. It seems like every week, with 50 some laps to go, all my guys are doing great, then all of a sudden, they wreck or blow the engine or something. This time, three of them were out by the time I woke up from my nap. Oh well, we have fun cheering them on, all that.

Work is busy. I've been trying to get Boss1's tax info ready for him. This entails flipping through all the files from last year to figure out what each client paid in fees. I get the list together, and then have to round up the dozen or so files I can't put my hands on, hand it off to him and he takes it to his accountant. I've got six files on the run, most likely in his car because he's worked on them recently. I normally have this project done by the end of January or February, but it kept slipping my mind and I'm running out of time to have it done for him.

There was some drama involving a neighbor around midnite this morning, but I'm not posting about it. Enough to say, they didn't need this heartache on top of all the other crap they've dealt with. (It's not the neighbors from PA, but the others.)

I wish all the best to Jenn and Paul! Wish I could be there for y'all's big day! It's gonna be awesome and I can't wait to see pictures!

Ok, I gotta go. Work beckons, and I think Boss2 just got here, which means he'll be calling me and wanting junk. Catch ya later.

So sad

I hate this.

I was totally rooting for her, but alas, more sadness.

My life is a blur lately. Nothing new going on, just working, cooking, cleaning, raising a kid, all that good stuff.

Nephew A is coming along well, at last check up, his eye is 35% healed up, and doctor's say things look good. No word on potential vision loss or that kind of thing for a while yet. My brother has his hands full, because, of course, his "wife" floats around to help out when she sees fit.

In laws are coming back this weekend to pick up W's dad (FINALLY!!!) It's been nice having him around, good for Bubba, good for W, but I'm ready to have our house back to being OURS! He's been here a month already.

I am feeling desperate for some "ME" time, but can't seem to get any and don't know when I'll be able to. I thought about taking last Friday off, but because one of my bosses went MIA for a day and half, all his work was piled up and HAD to go out Friday so no go there.

Gotta go. I'll try to write more often, but jeez, there's just nothing going on.

Wow.

Along the way to becoming a mom, and being a mom, I discovered a plethora of blogs about moms to be, women trying really hard to become mom's, women with multiple losses and heartbreaking stories. One of my favorites shared this news today.

Totally blown away and incredibly happy for her. We have chatted through comments and emails sometimes, and she is wonderful. Best of luck, Tertia.

p.s. it still takes me like three attempts to get a link in right. I'm such a dummy.

Rants

I haven't written a real post in forever....sorry. nothing really to talk about. Here's some things I need to rant about:

---Just because you get a fancy new cell phone, and spend hours fussing with all the bells and whistles doesn't mean the phone will ring more often. (I often wonder why I even have a cell phone, it's not like I have any friends calling to hook up.)

---Just because your husband gets an even fancier new cell phone doesn't mean he's going to answer the fucker when you call him. *ahem*

---Just because you eat pretty healthy for a good period of time, and start exercising regularly again doesn't mean that extra 10-12 pounds is just going to fall off. (wtf, I can't lose this weight!!!)

I really can't go more specific on some things I want to, because, well, I just can't.

W is slowly recovering, at least from the trauma of the last surgery. Still hurting in the same way as before. But, his hardware was not broken (I can no longer tell him he has/had a screw loose) and his fusion was actually fused, go figure. However, both of these things were supposed to be the cause of all his pain, so now what? He's itchy as all get out because they haven't taken the staples out yet. Last time, staples were out in a week, when he goes on Monday it will be almost three weeks. Gonna hurt like hell getting them out, since the skin is like growing OVER the staples. Ouch.

Bubba is still the most persnickety three year old on the planet. We are currently trying to drill into his head that, go figure, he needs to listen to things we tell him to do. And that hitting and pinching and such are not acceptable means of expressing himself. Which means, instead of time outs in the corner after a warning, he gets put straight into his bedroom for one. And then we get to listen to him scream his head off for however long, until he settles. THEN we get to try to explain to him WHY he was in trouble, and he, of course, promises never to do it again. The cycle repeats every 15 minutes to an hour. Every night. I'm not even going to cover bedtime right now. I'm hoping desperately that this is just another stage of development where he tries to send us all to the loony bin so he can sit and watch Bob the Builder all day by himself or something. We did have a decent morning this morning, for a change. I'm sure that just means tonite he'll be a total demon.

Work at the office still sucks. There's been drama about certain people clocking in too early, getting too much overtime, etc. etc. Whatever. Just an excuse for, no, wait, I'm not elaborating. Ya never know who might find my rants, and then I'd be in a world of hurt.

Nephew A is slowly recovering, but still no word on permanent vision loss. He's still getting put under anesthesia about twice a week for good cleanings to the eye, and tuesday nite they put a stitch in, to hold something in place on his actual eye. He had some kind of fluid graft I keep meaning to look up, and the glue they used to hold the graft in place slipped, necessitating a stitch. My brother is in good spirits, but getting quite worn out, and quite broke in the process. So just as a precaution, if any of you with children reading have a child diagnosed with pink eye, DEMAND to have a culture done ASAP because that culture makes a big difference on treatment. A's turned into a staph infection, and had they done his culture sooner, things MAY not have gotten as bad, but we'll never know.

okay, that should suffice for a good post. Hope y'all are doing well.